Staycation

When life is hard and full of stress, there's nothing better than one or two days added on to the weekend to calm things down for a bit. However, long weekends are still pretty short, so even though it's technically a vacation, there isn't much time to go anywhere. This is when the staycation (rhymes with vacation) comes in to play. If the name isn't indicator enough, a staycation is a vacation where you stay in town. Hence the name staycation. Can I make it any more clear?  And, just like there are two kinds of people (cat people, and dog people), there are two kinds of staycations, In order to stay consistent with the latest research we'll call them Type I and Type II staycationers. The two types of staycations are outlined below.


The Type 1 staycationer is the kind who, even though there are technically no obligations placed on them for the day, still fills their day with productive activities. They are actually busy on a day fillled with nothing. This is teh typical schedule of events for a Type 1.

1. 8:00- Wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast (omelettes, french toast, crepes, waffles, biscuits and gravy, or some other food which requires effort and real ingredients)
2. 8:05- Do make up, hair, nails, etc.
3. 8:30- Look at the to do list and put the tasks into order.
4. 8:45- Start on said list which includes, but is not limited to...
   Run errands, exercise, read a book, get ahead on homework, do a craft project, clean the house, get a manicure, cook a legitimate meal, take a power nap (ten minutes at the most, heaven forbid they waste too much time), go shopping, plan next week's outfits, organize the shoes in the closet by size, color, and style, alphabetize the movie collection, draw a picture, and write thank you letters for the most recent gift giving event.
5. 6:00- Some long weekends are only long weekends for some. For example, one person gets a Fall break, and none of their friends do. If the individual is in this situation their friends will get home around this time and then the staycationer will either initiate the night's adventure or go  along willingly with any ideas their companions suggest.
6. 12:00- Crash into bed with the last ounce of energy they possess and think to themselves "Best. Day. Ever."

The Type II staycation is the kind where the day begins when the individual opens their eyes at noon (the true professional can push this time as far as 2:00). Occasionally one has good intentions to turn this day into a Type I kind of day, but  in general those plans, however well meaning, don't end up happening. The Type II staycation day goes a little like this.

1. 12:00- Wake up
2. 12:45- Roll out of bed.
3. 12:50- Leave the bedroom (real clothes are optional at this point, pajamas are completely acceptable)
4. 1:00- Eat a "breakfast" of sugar cereal, scrambled eggs, instant breakfast shakes, toast, or something requiring similar "skill".
5. 1:30- The staycationer will decide they're still hungry and will repeat step 4.
6. 2:00- Watch television or Hulu
7. 5:00 (a)- Shower, get dressed, and clean up your area so whoever's coming home soon won't see what they've been doing all day (or rather, not done all because they've been sitting in the same spot for three hours). This step is necessary because some people are closet Type II staycationers and they don't want people to know of their lazy day habits.
8. 5:00 (b)- The other option at this point is to continue sitting on the couch, content and at peace with how the day has been spent.
9. 6:00- A roommate, sibling, friend, or mother takes pity on the individual and makes them a real meal.
10. 7:00 (a)- A friend will call with plans for the evening. The staycationer will grudgingly agree to take off the stretchy pants and old, oversized girl's camp hoodie and come along for the night's festivities.
11. 7:00 (b)- If the person in question is not so lucky to have people who feel the need to get them out of the house, or if they turned down any plans that were offered, they'll repeat step 6.
12. 12:00- Sleep will be attempted, but it will be difficult considering no energy has been expended throughout the day.
13. As they finally drift off to sleep two hours later, their last conscious thought is "Best. Day. Ever".

So whether you're Type I or Type II, or possibly a little bit of both, I hope you enjoy your staycations whenever you're lucky enough to have one.

Exhausting!

If you’re under the age of twelve and your parents are crazy enough to let you go on an airplane by yourself you are granted the luxury of a chaperone. They usher you through security, get you to the right gate, sit next to you during the flight, and deposit you into the hands of your guardian waiting outside the gate. If you’re lucky enough you even get a neat airline pin that in reality is to classify you as child traveling alone, but in your eyes it’s a symbol of status.
Fast forward a few years. Most of the teenage population is just as inept as a twelve year old at navigating the airport, yet they don’t get babysitters. Sure being eighteen years old I don’t think I would like being watched by someone I don’t know, but I need as much help as I can get to get through the airport.
First, you print your tickets at a handy touch screen kiosk, not. If your parents pity your ineptitude enough they’ll make your reservations for you. It makes things easier, but once you get the the airport it may or may not turn out that you don’t have the information the kiosk wants. Wait in line, talk to the baggage check woman who is nice enough, but wants your information quicker than you can physically give it. But then you have a ticket and everything is fine. “Well, that wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected” you think to yourself. “All that’s left to get through is security” which everyone knows is a nightmare.
Everyone knows, that in theory that security is expected to be a very tedious and VERY long process of waiting in line, emptying your bag of electronics and metal, taking off your shoes, getting prodded by a metal detecting stick, and after you’ve done all that trying to get all your things together while other people’s cartons full of electronics, shoes, and bags keep piling on top of yours. Everything about that process is true, except for one. Getting through security is a whirlwind. Imagine that whole list in fast forward. Efficiency is fantastic don‘t get me wrong, but if I hadn‘t had flip flops, the extra step of tying my shoes may have caused me to have a break down.
Comparatively the process of getting on the plane is relatively simple, almost relaxing. Once you’re past all the metal detectors the rest of the airport seems quiet and calm. You plop down on a chair with metal arm rests (in my opinion the dumbest idea ever, especially during a long lay over), partake of the free wi-fi and spend the next hour watching you tube or Hulu, writing a blog, or checking the news feed on Facebook. The boarding call is made over the intercom and you shuffle into the line, walk onto the plane and enjoy the next few hours of your life reading sky mall and looking at cloud formations that are so close it feels like you can touch them. The plane touches down and you walk out of the airport ready to enjoy that well deserved vacation. Enjoy it, because five days from now you get to go through that wonderful process all over again.