d(A.D.D.)y

When you drive a lil' 50cc scooter that runs perfectly there is very little that can go wrong. It doesn't go very fast so you can't go on a road big enough to get into trouble. Since it's little and gets about 70 miles per gallon you will rarely have dilemma of running low on gas. And, like I said before, that thing runs perfectly so no problems there. The only thing left is human error.

A human being could crash the scooter by not paying attention, driving into a ditch or a large pot hole, run into another vehicle, any number of scenarios where the individual collides with an animate or inanimate object. That's pretty much it for a scooter crash. And even if one of these events does happen, you're going about 31 miles an hour so what's the worst that could happen. Except death, that's always a possibility on a two wheeled vehicle I suppose. But that isn't the point of this story.

Lucky for me, I've already committed error number 1. It was nearly three years ago, so it was about time for another catastrophe. The second human error is even stupider than the first. You know those days where you leave work in a hurry because you know if you don't get out the door right at that second you will get stuck at the office for another hour? It was one of those days. When you leave in such a hurry your brain is a little chaotic and you're not thinking 100% clearly. In this situation you open the trunk, get your helmet, drop your purse in and throw your phone in on top. Close the hatch and realize you still have your phone in your hand. What did you drop in the locking compartment? The keys. The very keys you need to open said compartment and start your vehicle. That is error number 2. Locking your keys in the trunk.

I've never felt  more stupid in my life. I go back to the office and call good old Dad. To his credit, he wasn't mad like I was expecting. All he said was "Give me 5 minutes to figure everything out and I'll call you back." 20 minutes later he calls and explains his whole plan. For those that are uninformed, I work in Salt Lake. I live in Salt Lake. My Dad lives in Provo. It's 8:30 at night.

 I won't bore you with the details, but I sat and watched a show, and 1 hour later, my Dad shows up with a car, a couple jokes, and 2 spare keys (not only keys for the scooter, but his car as well as mine)--after all, his motto and personal mantra does say 'overkill is underrated'.

Jack has unarguably taken the gold medal for at least the past 25 years running as the worst backseat driver in the world. He might have brought me to tears once or twice while helping me with math homework. I may have been ditched at dance a few too many times, and he might not take no for an answer when he learns that everyone in the world doesn't want to be a mechanical engineer. But I will say this about the guy, when you're having a problem and you have no idea how you're going to get out of the predicament that you oh-so-intelligently got yourself in to, he will do anything and everything to fix everything. And for that I'm forever grateful and I know that I could never wish for a better Dad.

(P.S. Credit for the brilliant title, that I totally stole without permission, goes to Jenny Pate. Who, one day, is going to write a GREAT book about Jack Pate)

Robin- The Former Fatso

I'm going to tell you a story:

Once upon a time there was this girl named Robin. Robin hated running more than anything in the world. Really though. Her top five list of things she hates goes like this: Mushrooms, running, homework, winter, terrorists. Every once in a while she would attempt to be athletic and physically fit and go for a run. She would run for 45 seconds, and walk for 3 minutes, run for 120 seconds, walk for 4 minutes, and then get bored and tired and would take a shortcut home. This would happen 3-6 times a year.

Soon Robin came to college and gained every single pound of the freshman fifteen. So she tried to start exercising again. Lucky for Robin she had a superstar roommat named Lilly who would go running with her and make her run for 5 minutes and walk for 45 seconds, etc. Lilly also wouldn't let her take the shortcut home. Everything was going so well, but Lilly goes to a hard college and cares about good grades and she wasn't able to go running with Robin because she had to be responsible. So Robin tries to keep running, but she realizes more and more that she doesn't just dislike running, she really hates it, the high one gets after a good run couldn't compensate for all the anger she felt while running.

One day Robin is feeling like a fattie, probably because she watched three consecutive hours of Friends and ate a whole box of Chips Ahoy cookies (three hours is probably an exaggeration and it most likely wasn't a whole package of cookies) so she made herself get off the couch and go for a run. This time something was different though. She ran for two miles without stopping and felt great. She even wanted to keep going. So she went for three and a half miles and would have kept going, but it was getting dark so she went home. Robin has been running in this fashion for two weeks. She doesn't know what’s changed, but all of a sudden running is one of her voluntary hobbies that she doesn't hate and actually kind of likes.

It's going to forever remain a mystery of what switch was flipped in Robin's brain that made it so she likes to run around the block for fun, but whatever it was, she appreciates it.

Wasn't that a great story?

Hollywood's Most Prestigious Association

There comes a point in every actor's life when they cross a line. It's kind of like a rite of passage that they aspire to reach. A few members of this club include Tim Allen, Greg Kinnear, Joan Cusack, John Cusack, Ben Stiller, Sandra Bullock and Eddie Murphey. I'd also like to take this moment to recognize and congratulate the two most recent additions: Brad Pitt and Matt Damon. The exclusive society these people belong to is none other than the MDAGA-otherwise known as the Mom and Dad Actors' Guild of America. Some see entering this association as a bad thing. Like being at that point of your career is a sign that you're a washed-up, has-been, but I disagree.

There are actors that society never tires of watching on the screen. Every movie they make draws crowds, film after film, year after year. However, similar to real life, different periods of time demand different lifestyles and activities. Your whole life can't be lived climbing trees, drawing with sidewalk chalk, and asking your mom if you can call Jimmy to come over and play. At some point you have to grow up and take on grown-up responsibilities. Likewise, an actor can't spend their whole career being the super hott guy/girl, or the hard core action junkie. At some point your six pack becomes less attractive, and it's not realistic for a fifty-five year old man to do parkour all over *insert any large city here*. It's just not a viable path.

With this in mind, actors, if the're smart will take on roles that are more realistic given their stage of life. If you think about it, it's a complement and a blessing to be able to belong to MDAGA. Many actors aren't lucky enough to stick around in Hollywood that long. For example, Hannah Montana most likely will not have the opportunity to be a mom in MDAGA. It would be unrealistic for a forty year old woman play a pouty teenager, therefore the industry will move on to another Disney Channel starlet and Hannah Montana will end up on Celebrity Apprentice. On the other hand, Ryan Gosling will get the chance to be one of our favorite Dad actors because he's a good actor now and he will be twenty years from now too. His roles will just change from hunky heart throb to attractive father figure.

I will admit though, there are some actors who refuse to apply for membership in MDAGA. Nicholas Cage, for example. Although I wish he would because I can't bear a third Ghost Rider installment. On the other side of the coin though, Denzel Washington, Juleah Roberts, George Clooney and Helen Mirren, to name a few, are some who haven't made a mom/dad movie yet. And as of now it seems never will, nor do we want them to, because they just keep getting better.

So while we mourn the end of Matt Damon's Jason Bourne and Private James Ryan days as well as Brad Pitt's era of Achilles, Rusty Ryan, and Mr. Smith, we get to watch them for twenty-thirty more years as they beautifully master more characters that are suited for their age.

The Unforeseen Relocation of The Bermuda Triangle.

College is great. As I’ve mentioned before , there are so many people and things to watch. It’s awesome. But as I get more and more used to school fewer and fewer things seem funny. Until today.

              

I was sitting in the hall finishing a paper. As I look over I see a person drop all their things which were conveniently not bound together in any manner. All their books and pencils went everywhere. I sighed a sympathetic sigh because I know all too well what it’s like to have that happen. Luckily she wasn’t by herself and her friends helped her pick up all her things and I went back to my paper.

                

About five minutes passed and I happened to look over to that area and there was someone in the same spot picking up all their things. At first I thought it was the first girl taking forever to pick everything up. But when I looked down at the clock I figured five minutes was way too long for a person to gather their things. Also it was a boy. This means that TWO people dropped their things in the same spot within five minutes of each other! Funny right? Just wait. It gets better.

                

Less than five minutes later the same thing happened AGAIN!!! Just like the previous two times I looked up and saw someone’s things go flying all over the floor. This time I was struggling to keep from laughing out loud. Honestly what are the odds that three people would drop their things in the same spot within such a short amount of time?      

                

I kind of do feel bad for laughing when things like that happen. I would be completely humiliated if I ever had the experience. But really, how could I not laugh. So don’t think I’m a terrible person because you can’t tell me that you’re above allowing yourself at least a small laugh on the inside.

                

As I finished my paper I was wondering, what caused three people to have the same unfortunate experience? The only thing I could come up with is that the Bermuda Triangle mysteriously shifted due to a magnetic shift of the North Pole. But that would be superstitious nonsense, and I don’t believe in such things. But I will admit that when I had to go that way to get to class 20 minutes later, I won’t lie, I definitely went the long way to avoid that patch of hallway. I had way too much stuff in my arms to take the risk.

Staycation

When life is hard and full of stress, there's nothing better than one or two days added on to the weekend to calm things down for a bit. However, long weekends are still pretty short, so even though it's technically a vacation, there isn't much time to go anywhere. This is when the staycation (rhymes with vacation) comes in to play. If the name isn't indicator enough, a staycation is a vacation where you stay in town. Hence the name staycation. Can I make it any more clear?  And, just like there are two kinds of people (cat people, and dog people), there are two kinds of staycations, In order to stay consistent with the latest research we'll call them Type I and Type II staycationers. The two types of staycations are outlined below.


The Type 1 staycationer is the kind who, even though there are technically no obligations placed on them for the day, still fills their day with productive activities. They are actually busy on a day fillled with nothing. This is teh typical schedule of events for a Type 1.

1. 8:00- Wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast (omelettes, french toast, crepes, waffles, biscuits and gravy, or some other food which requires effort and real ingredients)
2. 8:05- Do make up, hair, nails, etc.
3. 8:30- Look at the to do list and put the tasks into order.
4. 8:45- Start on said list which includes, but is not limited to...
   Run errands, exercise, read a book, get ahead on homework, do a craft project, clean the house, get a manicure, cook a legitimate meal, take a power nap (ten minutes at the most, heaven forbid they waste too much time), go shopping, plan next week's outfits, organize the shoes in the closet by size, color, and style, alphabetize the movie collection, draw a picture, and write thank you letters for the most recent gift giving event.
5. 6:00- Some long weekends are only long weekends for some. For example, one person gets a Fall break, and none of their friends do. If the individual is in this situation their friends will get home around this time and then the staycationer will either initiate the night's adventure or go  along willingly with any ideas their companions suggest.
6. 12:00- Crash into bed with the last ounce of energy they possess and think to themselves "Best. Day. Ever."

The Type II staycation is the kind where the day begins when the individual opens their eyes at noon (the true professional can push this time as far as 2:00). Occasionally one has good intentions to turn this day into a Type I kind of day, but  in general those plans, however well meaning, don't end up happening. The Type II staycation day goes a little like this.

1. 12:00- Wake up
2. 12:45- Roll out of bed.
3. 12:50- Leave the bedroom (real clothes are optional at this point, pajamas are completely acceptable)
4. 1:00- Eat a "breakfast" of sugar cereal, scrambled eggs, instant breakfast shakes, toast, or something requiring similar "skill".
5. 1:30- The staycationer will decide they're still hungry and will repeat step 4.
6. 2:00- Watch television or Hulu
7. 5:00 (a)- Shower, get dressed, and clean up your area so whoever's coming home soon won't see what they've been doing all day (or rather, not done all because they've been sitting in the same spot for three hours). This step is necessary because some people are closet Type II staycationers and they don't want people to know of their lazy day habits.
8. 5:00 (b)- The other option at this point is to continue sitting on the couch, content and at peace with how the day has been spent.
9. 6:00- A roommate, sibling, friend, or mother takes pity on the individual and makes them a real meal.
10. 7:00 (a)- A friend will call with plans for the evening. The staycationer will grudgingly agree to take off the stretchy pants and old, oversized girl's camp hoodie and come along for the night's festivities.
11. 7:00 (b)- If the person in question is not so lucky to have people who feel the need to get them out of the house, or if they turned down any plans that were offered, they'll repeat step 6.
12. 12:00- Sleep will be attempted, but it will be difficult considering no energy has been expended throughout the day.
13. As they finally drift off to sleep two hours later, their last conscious thought is "Best. Day. Ever".

So whether you're Type I or Type II, or possibly a little bit of both, I hope you enjoy your staycations whenever you're lucky enough to have one.

Progress

In 240 BC Aristarchus discovered the size of the moon based on the width of the moon's shadow compared to the earth's shadow during a lunar eclipse. In 235 BC Eratosthenes measured the circumference of the earth just by knowing the distance between two cities and the angle of a shadow on a pillar. In 1610 Galileo made a telescope powerful enough to see the moons of Jupiter. All these inventions were made without electricity. None of these inventors had a math book or computer. All of these inventions have had a direct impact science and modern technology.

None of those men technically needed to make these discoveries. No one was pressuring them to discover new things. The world would keep going even if technology stopped progressing. True, the standard of living wouldn't have gotten any better, but people wouldn't have known any different. But that's the interesting thing about progress. It's the nature of man to improve his situation. Physics teaches us that matter always takes the path of least resistance, but mankind thankfully defies this law and goes the opposite direction. From the beginning of time, someone has always had the desire to make his life, and by extension the lives of others, better.

This idea stretches from the beginning of time and will continue forever. People were fine with going out back to use the outhouse, but someone decided to take a page out of the Romans' book and bring about the toilet. The teenagers of the eighties would have been fine using their walk-mans forever. However, someone had the foresight to invent the compact disk and thereby the disc-man. And these are only conveniences. World problems like malaria and polio have been cured because someone wanted to make life better.

Aristarchus used simple means to further the study of science that would change the world. Eratosthenes discovered technology that's the basis for a large quantity of math used today. Galileo perfected technology that changed the way we view the universe. All these discoveries were made without electricity or modern instruments and look at what they've done for mankind. Progress has a way of happening no matter the circumstance which surrounds it.

So while people worry about the state of the world, I'm not that concerned. My generation is the future leaders of the world and look at all the great things we're doing. Today I learned how to jump start a car. (Forget that it was because I left the headlights on.) Never fear America. Your fate rests in my capable hands.

The Most Influential Musician of Our Time.

The world watched in awe as a musician rose from obscurity to a global phenomenon in a few short months. She became an icon for those desperate to break free from their ordinary lives and craved recognition and stardom. Some said it was just a song. But it isn't just any song. It's a song that transcends time, age, race, and religion. Yes, it's a song who anyone, no matter the demographic, can relate to. It's so simple, yet so profound, and as such, it will forever be remembered as a song that changed the way we think about life. The world has clung to this idea like moths to a flame. It's what's kept us going through tough times. It can bring a person up from their knees to a defiant upright stance. A single word can give them enough hope to keep marching on. The word, is Friday. The person who will forever live in infamy our hearts for putting this idea in our minds is Rebecca Black. May she have a long career full of deep, meaningful songs which effect us just as much as Friday.


We never really appreciate how much of an impact a simple decision can have on our life. Just think of it, front seat or the back seat. Which one should I choose? If you think about it, small decisions like this are the ones that shape our character and by extension our entire lives. What kind of people would we be without the stepping stones that lead to bigger questions like what kid of cereal we should eat in the morning. The effects of these decisions are monumental. These small actions can shape our destinies. As time goes on they could lead to bigger and bigger questions. Eventually they can lead to truly existential questions like boxers vs. briefs, mayonnaise or Miracle Whip, even, could it be true, cats vs. dogs!


We've been waiting for months for Rebecca Black to enlighten us with her profound lyrics and stimulating music, and at last we've been blessed with another inspired work. I won't say anything about it. I'll let you have your own moment (<<< click), and let the song speak to you in your own way. But I can promise, it'll be an experience you'll never forget, no matter how hard you try. 

Harry Skywalker, Ron Solo, Darth Voldemort

 

I have no claim on the terms nerd, fan girl, geek, gamer or any other similar titles. Even if I wanted to be one of those people I couldn’t be. I don’t know anything about W.O.W., the only video games I play are Mario Kart, Super Mario Galaxy, Rock Band, and Just Dance. Occasionally I play Super Smash Bros (and by "play" I mean push random buttons). When people talk about Pokemon they may as well be speaking Chinese. I never even knew what comic con was until I was seventeen. It’s plain to see that whether I like it or not, the world of video games and science fiction will be forever closed to me in almost all areas.

Despite my obvious lack of nerdiness I can proudly claim to be a super dweeb in two categories--Star Wars and Harry Potter. I’ve been addicted to Harry Potter since the second grade and I’ve loved Star Wars since birth (and by Star Wars I mean the real movies, not those poor excuses of films known as episodes I-III).  At some point I felt like I had to choose where my allegiances really lie and I faced the eternal question--if I were given the chance, what would I be? Jedi or Wizard? I narrowed it down to three categories that one can compare the two worlds by--skills and weaponry, movies, and characters. I've made my choice, what's yours?

Skills and weaponry: 

Wizards have limited power without a wand. As children, it's typical to have unintentional and uncontrollable outbursts of magic, but those are uncommon especially once the wizard has received their own wand. If they don’t have their wand with them a wizard is basically just a normal human being and is thereby useless. However, with their magic stick and enough training a wizard is almost unstoppable. There's a limitless amount of functions that can be accomplished with a little stick of wood and some unicorn hair.

Jedi's have the ultimate weapon. It's a sword and a taser (for lack of a better word) all in one, except better. What kind of taser can cut through a door, deflect laser bullets, slice storm troopers in half, or take the front end of a speeder off? Granted, a light saber isn't as versatile as a wand by any means, however, Jedi's do have the Force which compensates for the lack of utility found in a light saber. With the Force you can do almost as many things as you would be able to do with a wand, but with both hands free, so it's a win-win. Imagine you were saber-less because a certain Sith lord had knocked it out of your hands, all you have to do is use the force and bam--weapon retrieved. 

Movies:

I am constantly in awe of how George Lucas created A New Hope in 1977. The special effects were decades ahead of their time, and to be honest they’re better than a lot of the effects in movies coming out today. Imagine making the Sarlacc (the giant pit with teeth in Episode VI), making the Jabba the Hutt costume, or filming epic speeder chase scene with the, lets face it, archaic technology of the seventies and eighties. In addition, special effects aside, how many times do movie franchises start out with a fantastic first movie, and the sequels that follow get more and more disappointing? The answer is about 95% of the time. Not with Star Wars though. as far as I’m concerned, the last movie, Return of the Jedi, was the best movie of the entire trilogy.

Unlike other series, Harry Potter has gotten better with every movie. In Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, little Hermione, Harry, and Ron were young, inexperienced actors and sometimes it was almost painful to watch. They’ve gotten exponentially better with every film. While I still think the acting is cheesy and contrived sometimes, they get a gold medal for most improved. The special effects have improved vastly as well. In the first and second movies there were Quidditch games where it was all too obvious that there was a green screen as well as "people" who were created by a computer program. But now there are stunning sequences of magic that look so real that it seems like there really is a magical world somewhere. As far as the plot of the movies goes, in general the plot has followed that of the books, which are perfect in every way. Even if there are creative liberties taken with what is and isn’t put in the movies, overall the story stays the same.

Characters:

Harry started off as a young, innocent, naive eleven year old who had no idea of his past or his true potential. throughout the series he grew as a wizard and as a person and by the end he was a mature, powerful person who was ready to take the necessary steps to defeat evil. The series is full of dynamic characters who go through similar journeys as they grow up. Hermione changes from a girl who only cares for school to a very well rounded adult. Ron used to be a boy with severe middle child syndrome and a lack of magical skills. In the end his skills are still pretty average but he got to marry up (Hermione) so I'd consider that a win for him. Aside from Harry's good character progression I did find him somewhat annoying at times. It kills me to hate on the guy who was with me since I was 8 years old, but I've got to admit, he's kind of a diva, he's angry a lot, and sometimes he just annoys me. I know Dumbledore didn't tell him everything, but that guy was probably the busiest wizard ever, give him a break.

Star Wars seriously pulls ahead in this area. Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Darth Vader are arguably the biggest characters in the franchise and they're probably my overall favorites. As with Harry Potter these characters also go through growth and they are better people at the end of the saga. Luke used to be a somewhat irresponsible teenager who's biggest wish was to go off to the Academy like his friends. Little did he know that he'd end up as a Jedi Knight who is responsible for the demise of the evil emperor. Han Solo used to be a selfish nomad tool who cared only for himself and his precious Millenium Falcoln. In the end he gets the girl of his dreams and he even lets a friend take his beloved ship into battle. Of course I can't forget Chewbacca, the worlds most lovable sidekick. He's not very eloquent, but he always gets his point across, and he's always there for his friends.Leia used to be a selfish princess with entitlement issues, by episode IV she's risking her lie for the sake of her friends and the galaxy, she also ends up with Han Solo and becomes the most perfect couple anyone has ever seen. Darth Vader experiences the biggest change of heart anyone has ever seen. He goes from most gifted Jedi the galaxy has ever seen to evil henchmen who does the emperor's bidding to the guy who throws that emperor over a railing to save his son. What a guy. 

And the Winner Is:

After nineteen years, I've finally made my choice. It's hard to choose between my two loves. It's like choosing which child you like best. But sometimes the choice needs to be made--with the movies, I'd never choose between two kids. This choice probably doesn't even matter because the odds that my midi-chlorian count will suddenly go up to a Jedi level are pretty low....but stranger things have happened. Not. But in case in another life I have the chance to become a wizard or a jedi knight I now know for sure that I would most definitely choose a Jedi. May the Force be with you.