Critique of the Critics

Movies. What would we do without them? They give us an escape from reality. They are an opportunity to spend two hours in someone else's story. They're an excellent excuse to blow eight dollars. Let's be honest--who doesn't enjoy them? Infants, obviously, but there is a small portion of the population who you'd think would be avid fans. False. These people I refer to are movie critics and they don't like movies.

A movie relies heavily on reviews for publicity and credibility. Consumers use reviews as well, as a means of deciding which movies are worth seeing. I am no different and frequently visit sites such as RottenTomatoes.com to see which movies people seem to like. This particular website literally has every review from every critic for every movie. When I first discovered the site I followed it religiously. If a movie had a fresh rating it was automatically good, rotten meant it was bad. Eventually I started to notice that some of the movies with good ratings weren't actually that good, and a lot of the movies with bad ratings were really great. It doesn't make sense. You'd think that with countless opinions the consensus would match up with the typical American's opinion. Not even close. Thanks to the audience meter which takes normal viewers' opinions you can see that the opinions rarely match up. Why is there such a big gap?

The answer is: critics are just that. Critical. Their job is to look at movies from an objective position. They judge a movie from an unemotional, uninvolved standpoint. By doing this they make their opinion appeal to everyone because in theory it's factual. In the end, it just appears that critics never actually like movies.

While it's important to have an opinion that's broad enough to include everyone's point of view there's another important factor. Every movie is different--at least most of them--No one goes to Madagascar expecting to be intellectually challenged like they were when they saw Inception. It's important to take the right attitude. There are many critics who will make disclaimers such as: "It's the typical romantic comedy so you know where the bar will be set, but if you're judging by that standard it's an alright film". If you're going to a romantic-comedy that's what's expected. Judge on the Romantic-Comedy rubric. But critics generally don't follow that idea. That's OK though. If you want to analyze Beverly Hills Chihuahua on the same scale as Avatar be my guest.

The one kind of movie critics do like are the ones fewer people enjoy. It's like they always have to disagree with the common consensus. It seems that the only movies critics do like are the weird indie films from the Sundance Film Festival. Those are the ones that significantly more critics than average people enjoy. Go figure.

The moral of this story is: if you want an opinion on a movie, get someone's who doesn't write critical reviews for a living. If their livelihood doesn't depend on hating 98% of all films ever made you're much more likely to get a accurate opinion. And, if worst comes to worst, it's only eight dollars.

The Best Show on Television

Over my nineteen years of life I have come to realize one truth: American citizens never seem to tire of watching people slip, fall, trip, or get hit in the face-or elsewhere. (America's Funniest Home Videos has 22 seasons to prove this). There have been a handful of shows over the past several years which have tried to cash in on this fact. Wipeout is one such show which has not only tried to, but has very successfully captured the hearts, minds, and funny bones of America (not to mention an hour of their time each week).

This is the very first episode of Wipeout I saw. Needless to say I was hooked immediately. It's impossible to name my favorite part of the show. Is it fair to say everything? So great is my love for this show that I am planning to try out for this show. As many times as it takes to get on. I don't even need to be in the running for $50,000. I would pay them just to have a chance to go on the obstacle course, but i'm pretty sure that's not allowed. I looked it up. But, while doing research I learned that all you have to do is go to Burbank, California in June and try out. Since I learned this it's become part of my five year plan to go to Burbank with my cousin, after we graduate, and get on the show. Anyone who wants to accompany us is more than welcome.

We R Who We R...I guess

What do T-Pain, Owl City, the Bed Intruder Song, Rihanna, and Auto-tune the News have in common?

-Auto-tune obviously.

T-Pain is mildly annoying, Owl City is overplayed, and Rihanna is more overplayed than Owl City. Auto-tune the News and the Bed Intruder Song are both hilarious. So obviously it's doesn't have to be a given that anything with auto-tune will be 100% awful. But sometimes there are songs with auto-tune that are completely disastrous. As are the people who sing said songs.

There is one person who not only utilizes but relies solely on auto-tune. This person's name is Kesha. I know it's really supposed to be Ke$ha but I think that's stupid, so Kesha it is. The worst part about it is that her songs are insanely catchy and a lot of people (me included) probably sing along wen no one is around. You could call it a guilty pleasure. But as with most guilty pleasures you wish they didn't exist because you would be fine-if not better off-without them. The reasons I hate Kesha are probably limitless but I'll narrow it down to three. Most are on her physical appearance which might seem petty, but since I don't personally know her it's all I can comment on.

1. Her choice of wardrobe is always ridiculous. She has described her style as Pirate-Chic, but I feel a little differently about it.

If she means pirate in the been-on-the-high-seas-for-months-at-a-time-without-a-brush-or-shower sense then I can see where she's coming from. But then where did "chic" part come from? Just sayin'. (and yes that 'dress' is made of a garbage bag. No joke.)

2. While hair and makeup might fall under the wardrobe category I chose to give it a separate bullet point. On the red carpet Kesha has said she generally does her own hair and makeup. While it's perfectly reasonable to not want to fit into the Hollywood definition of beautiful, don't you actually want to look...beautiful? Even if it's in your own way. I feel like sequined eyebrows, massive amounts of eyeliner, silver lipstick, ratty fohawks, and glitter EVERYWHERE doesn't really show off your beauty. Maybe she could pull off one of those at a time (even the fohawk if it looked less gross). But all at once it makes her look like...a drag queen. Is that mean to say?

3. While it's impossible to keep your foot from tapping while one of her songs is playing, once you've heard it five million times on the radio you realize that 1. She doesn't sing, 2. the lyrics are any combination of weird, trashy, gross, and/or stupid. Who wants to date someone who looks like Mick Jagger anyway? 3. She doesn't sing. I realize that's been mentioned twice. But that's how much of an issue it is for me.

I realize I shouldn't bash on her so much. And I should probably find positive things to say about people. So I will say this-I've never seen a garbage bag made into a dress. Kudos for being resourceful.

The Recession is Affecting Everyone

The housing market was among the industries that were hit very hardest in the recession that has recently affected our country. After the market tanked there were numerous construction companies which either quit their projects and/or went out of business--or just about.

From the other end of housing were those trying the sell houses. In case anyone had been waiting to see if house prices were going to go up anymore before selling--they should have sold because prices plummeted. Prices dropped by thirty percent all over the country. A home that would have fetched $265,000 in 2007 would only get $180,000 one year later.

There was one section of the consumers who actually prospered due to the bursting of the housing bubble. The buyers. There were countless opportunities to buy partly finished homes at dirt cheap prices, or homes that had been foreclosed on. A home that someone never would have been able to afford was much more attainable.

One such high profile "home" that suffered from the recession was none other than the White House.

In 2007 the White House was worth $332 million. This house has 16 bedrooms, 35 bathrooms, two dozen fireplaces, a tennis court and a bowling alley. You'd think that a house with that many perks would keep it's value. But the value of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has dropped down to a mere $252 million. I feel like the White house would be one of those "priceless" type of dwellings. Especially given the unlimited appeal that it has due to it's history and importance.

Since no one has ever, could ever, or will ever even try to buy the White House why is there a need to appraise it anyway? This leads to a bigger question. Even if there is some reason that such a historic building should be given a value why is it put on the news, much less the Yahoo home page? Probably to make it seem like the president's home life suffers from fluctuations in the economy as well.

Which it doesn't.

Techno Hoodies

Has anyone ever suffered from that age old dilemma of trying to get your headphones to go from your iPod to your ears while your iPod is in your pocket? Oh good. I haven't either. Old Navy on the other hand seems to think that many people struggle with this. Well get ready for a treat. Old Navy has recently come up with...TECHNO HOODIES! These marvels of modern technology have a plug in the right pocket which connects to your music device and the headphones come out the drawstring.

I learned about these on December 17th. It is now December 20th and they are completely sold out. It's completely understandable why these would be such a hot item. Now no one ever has to worry about the nuisance (oh wait, it was never really a nuisance) of taking the earbuds one and a half feet to your ears. Admittedly I would like to give Old Navy a high five for finding a way to incorporate technology into clothing, BUT I feel like they brought in a few new problems.

#1. The earbuds come out the end of the drawstrings and this is where most of my problems come from. Imagine you're trying to listen to music during school without your teacher noticing. Who ISN'T going to notice the fact that some kid has their drawstrings in their ear. Or, what if you're trying to tighten your hoodie while listening to music. Chances are you'll pull out your headphones. And what if you're just wearing your headphones and people are walking by. Nine times out of ten they will think you look like a weirdie for having your drawstrings pulled up to your ears.

#2. Drawstrings get in all sort of trouble on a hoodie. Because of their lack of attachment to the rest of the jacket they tend to swing anywhere and everywhere. Usually this doesn't matter, but at the end of these drawstrings there are miniature speakers on which the whole novelty of the sweater relies. If the headphones get caught in something and break you now essentially have a useless hoodie. Unless you'd like to wear it for real, which you wouldn't. Also, everybody knows that drawstrings are uneven at least 85% of the time. It would be ten times more annoying to have not only the drawstrings uneven but your headphones too. Unless of course the drawstrings aren't functional which would then make the point made in #1. invalid.

So I commend Old Navy for their first endeavor into the technology market. Not only that but great job considering this product sold out in three days. But in the future I hope their other similar endeavors are a lot less...how can I put this without sounding mean....stupid.

The Munchies

You know those days when you wander around your kitchen, opening every cupboard and every drawer trying to find something that sounds appetizing? Every once in a while something delicious is discovered in round one, however, more often than not you don't get that lucky. Usually you get stuck in a vicious cycle that goes a little like this: fridge, cupboard, pantry, fridge, go sit on the couch/sit in your room/fix your hair/etc. Wait five minutes. Repeat.

Sometimes you'll eventually find something and sometimes you'll have to wait until dinner or make a quick Wendy's run. But, every so often, after pacing the kitchen from anywhere between 5-30 minutes you'll finally remember that thing that once it's in your mind you don't stop craving it. For some it's something normal like a sandwich or cereal. For others it could be something a little less orthodox. Such as, I don't know, peas? Crazy, I know. I'm not proud of it, but suddenly this school year I have developed this weird love of those little green balls. The weird thing is that peas aren't even a vegetable that most people like. For example, everyone loves carrots, and celery, and potatoes, but the fans of peas are few and far between. I don't understand it, but for some reason on the days when I am moseying around my kitchen like a fat kid on a race track I end up craving those and nothing else.

Someone help me. I can't have the full college experience if I'm wanting vegetables (much less that vegetable) instead of pizza, diet Coke, or Twinkies.

Autumn

Utah is the most awful place on earth. One, It is cold-ish for 6-7 months out of the year, Two,... that's actually the only complaint I have. I love living here in the summer, but any time the temperature drops below fifty-fife degrees I wonder why anyone would voluntarily live here between November and May. But today I experienced an unusual moment when I was actually glad I'm here in the middle of November.

I was walking home from a friend's apartment this afternoon. This friend lives at the Branbury where there are lots and lots of trees. I was walking home with my hands deep in my pockets, hood up, and headphones in with the wind continually trying to push me off the sidewalk and rather than being miserable and angry at the current climate like I am every other cold day, I could only marvel at the brilliant colors of the orange, yellow and red trees with a bright blue sky behind them. I felt like a seven year old as I dragged my shoes through the build up of leaves in the gutters and it was all I could do to not pick up a big pile of leaves and toss them in the air. For those brief fifteen minutes I was 100 percent happy. Not even the sporadic flurries of snow could dampen my mood.

When I got to my own apartment which has 10 trees at the most and at least 60 percent of them are pine trees--which by the way only shed brown pine needles everywhere--my euphoria started to wear off, but I was glad I had a brief escape from from the dull gray existence which we Utahns call winter.

Disconnect

Utah Valley University is not the college of choice for most young adults in Utah. However there are a few positives of going to the state cop-out school.

1. The chicken fingers in the cafeteria are life changing

2. Almost every building is connected therefore you hardly ever have to go outside if the weather is undesirable.

One of the negatives of UVU is the fact that some of the buildings aren't connected to the main campus. And by not connected I mean pack your wagon and saddle up the horse, it'll take a couple days to get there. With some buildings it doesn't matter that they're so far away. The McKay Education Building for example (A)--A very small percentage of UVU students actually go to that building so it's no big deal that it's way across campus. The problem arises when a building that is pivotal to a student's success is .58 miles away from the center of campus (B) (For the record that is not an exaggeration. I Googled it). The building I refer to is none other than the testing center (C).

Sometimes the hike is marginally OK. On the days when the leaves are beautiful, the temperature is perfect, and the sun is shining but not so brightly that it blinds you. This blissful period of time is a 3-8 day block that can occur any time between mid of September to the end of November (welcome to Utah). Any other time the weather is either so hot you're sweating bullets or so cold and windy your nose starts running the second you step outside.

I had a particularly amazing experience on my way to the testing center today. It was pouring rain AND bitter cold. Oh, and my headphones were broken. How did I get so lucky? By the time I got back to school my hair was windblown, wet and tangled, my shoes were soaked through and my pants were wet up to mid-calf even after I painstakingly avoided all puddles.

I do try to find the positives in life though so two nice things about today? I wore waterproof mascara so my make up still looked alright when I got back to school, and my backpack shielded my back from the pouring rain. It's all about the silver lining right?... right?...