Way Over My Head, Inc.

I started a new internship yesterday. As it turns out, they have pretty fun privacy requirements, so for the sake of simplicity I'll just call it Way Over My Head, Inc. (WOMH).

Here's the thing: WOMH is a difficult place to get into and landing an internship there is a competetive, tough process. I say I'm in way over my head because there are 250 interns and they are from dozens of stellar universities from around the world, have accomplished amazing things, and probably all get better grades than I do. Don't get me wrong, I'm a level 7 narcissist (I know this thanks to the very accurate and definitely not full-of-crap assessment I took in my Organizational Behavior class). As such, I have no shortage of ego. However, it's intimidating to be surrounded by that much talent.

But here's the thing: I have now completed two days of my internship which have been filled with several hours of orientation seminars as well as a lot of time for all interns to network and get to know each other. All things considered, the interns had a combined total of about 3.5 hours throughout a nine hour day to get to know each other. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was energetic, friendly, and talkative. Whenever there was free time the room erupted in chatter and conversation. I am fortunate to be at WOMH for many, many reasons, but perhaps one of the most important is that I am surrounded by incredible peers.

I don't know if this should be attributed to personal flaws, the environments I place myself in, or another factor, but since grade school it's always been easier to diminish the value of hard things, of ambition, of success, and of working hard. It's all too common to participate in or hear conversations lamenting the difficulty of classes, work, applying for grad school, etc. etc. etc. The conversations at WOMH were the exact opposite. There was a room full of 250 twenty-somethings conversing unapologetically about their excitement for the rigor and difficulty of the next ten weeks, our short-term and long-term goals, and our ambitions, to name a few. It was incredible to be in an environment where I was comfortable to talk about big things without fear of being teased or called an over-achiever/teacher's pet/goody-goody/you name it. It's just a good environment to be in.

It was a really great experience to be surrounded by so many driven, ambitious, friendly people. I'm beyond excited for my summer at WOMH. Although, to be fair, I should say that every day since I got the offer I've been perpetually nervous that I won't be able to cope with the demands of the job. But I'm mostly just incredibly pumped to be there AND to get to work alongside so many talented people.

Time vacuum

I go to sleep at the same time every day. I wake up at the same time every day. Usually my schedule is pretty consistent. It goes like this: 

7:30 Wake up

8:00-11:00 Go to school

11:00-12:00 Come home/Eat Lunch

12:00-3:00 Schedule myself to do homework, but really I read, sleep, eat a second lunch, watch TV, sleep,waste time on the internet, or did I mention sleep?

3:00-4:00 Slowly wake up from that nap that I accidentally took.

4:00-7:00 Half-hearted attempts at homework

7:00-8:00 Dinner

8:00-11:30 Incredible, productive homework-time

12:00 Sleep

Why is it that the hours late in the evening are when I'm the most productive? I try so, so, so hard to do things during the middle of the day. I know, looking at that schedule, it looks like I purposely wast time. But really I usually do all of those things by accident. Usually I don't even remember falling asleep. I get woken up from my involuntary nap by a text message or a slamming door and am confused about how I ended up sprawled out on the couch. And then, since I took that nap, I have to slowly recuperate and become a living being again which, obviously, takes forever. But all of a sudden, once 7 or 8:00 hits, I turn in to a homework machine.

Sometimes I've wondered if it's the last minute panic of having an assignment due the next morning, but usually it's not. I do homework that's due in twoo days or work on a small portion of a project that's due in the future. So it's not that I'm a terrible procrastinator, usually, it's some other, unknown reason.

I would have so much more time in my life if I could get my homework done during that vacuum-like time suck called "the middle of the afternoon".

Maybe one day I'll be able to shift my four hour productivity window up a couple hours. Until then, I'll just keep taking inconvenient naps and watching more Friends marathons than I should. I love college.

Lost

Loss is a terrible thing and we've all experienced it. It's the worst when you find something that is so pivotal, so irreplaceable and so critical that you can't live without it. Sometimes loss occurs instantly. You don't know where it went and how it got away so quickly. Alternately, the loss can be gradual. You see it coming, but you don't want to believe that one day it will all be gone. 

At the end of it, when you've come to terms with the face that you'll never retrieve what you've lost, you will undoubtedly have one question. Where in the world did all of it go? Bobby pins that is. Seriously, I go through hundreds of those a year. 

I try to be really careful keeping track of bobby pins. Well, not that careful, but as careful as you can be with something that costs .0000001 cents. I have a special cup in the bathroom for them and everything. But no matter what I do, no matter how many pins I put in the bobby pin cup, it always ends up empty every 1-2 months.

Very statistically accurate pie chart. Courtesy of Paul Mitchell research labs.

I wonder if there’s a giant electromagnet somewhere that collects all the misplaced pins. If there is, whoever finds it will (1) make a fortune off scrap metal and (2) be hailed as the national hero of feminism.

d(A.D.D.)y

When you drive a lil' 50cc scooter that runs perfectly there is very little that can go wrong. It doesn't go very fast so you can't go on a road big enough to get into trouble. Since it's little and gets about 70 miles per gallon you will rarely have dilemma of running low on gas. And, like I said before, that thing runs perfectly so no problems there. The only thing left is human error.

A human being could crash the scooter by not paying attention, driving into a ditch or a large pot hole, run into another vehicle, any number of scenarios where the individual collides with an animate or inanimate object. That's pretty much it for a scooter crash. And even if one of these events does happen, you're going about 31 miles an hour so what's the worst that could happen. Except death, that's always a possibility on a two wheeled vehicle I suppose. But that isn't the point of this story.

Lucky for me, I've already committed error number 1. It was nearly three years ago, so it was about time for another catastrophe. The second human error is even stupider than the first. You know those days where you leave work in a hurry because you know if you don't get out the door right at that second you will get stuck at the office for another hour? It was one of those days. When you leave in such a hurry your brain is a little chaotic and you're not thinking 100% clearly. In this situation you open the trunk, get your helmet, drop your purse in and throw your phone in on top. Close the hatch and realize you still have your phone in your hand. What did you drop in the locking compartment? The keys. The very keys you need to open said compartment and start your vehicle. That is error number 2. Locking your keys in the trunk.

I've never felt  more stupid in my life. I go back to the office and call good old Dad. To his credit, he wasn't mad like I was expecting. All he said was "Give me 5 minutes to figure everything out and I'll call you back." 20 minutes later he calls and explains his whole plan. For those that are uninformed, I work in Salt Lake. I live in Salt Lake. My Dad lives in Provo. It's 8:30 at night.

 I won't bore you with the details, but I sat and watched a show, and 1 hour later, my Dad shows up with a car, a couple jokes, and 2 spare keys (not only keys for the scooter, but his car as well as mine)--after all, his motto and personal mantra does say 'overkill is underrated'.

Jack has unarguably taken the gold medal for at least the past 25 years running as the worst backseat driver in the world. He might have brought me to tears once or twice while helping me with math homework. I may have been ditched at dance a few too many times, and he might not take no for an answer when he learns that everyone in the world doesn't want to be a mechanical engineer. But I will say this about the guy, when you're having a problem and you have no idea how you're going to get out of the predicament that you oh-so-intelligently got yourself in to, he will do anything and everything to fix everything. And for that I'm forever grateful and I know that I could never wish for a better Dad.

(P.S. Credit for the brilliant title, that I totally stole without permission, goes to Jenny Pate. Who, one day, is going to write a GREAT book about Jack Pate)

Robin- The Former Fatso

I'm going to tell you a story:

Once upon a time there was this girl named Robin. Robin hated running more than anything in the world. Really though. Her top five list of things she hates goes like this: Mushrooms, running, homework, winter, terrorists. Every once in a while she would attempt to be athletic and physically fit and go for a run. She would run for 45 seconds, and walk for 3 minutes, run for 120 seconds, walk for 4 minutes, and then get bored and tired and would take a shortcut home. This would happen 3-6 times a year.

Soon Robin came to college and gained every single pound of the freshman fifteen. So she tried to start exercising again. Lucky for Robin she had a superstar roommat named Lilly who would go running with her and make her run for 5 minutes and walk for 45 seconds, etc. Lilly also wouldn't let her take the shortcut home. Everything was going so well, but Lilly goes to a hard college and cares about good grades and she wasn't able to go running with Robin because she had to be responsible. So Robin tries to keep running, but she realizes more and more that she doesn't just dislike running, she really hates it, the high one gets after a good run couldn't compensate for all the anger she felt while running.

One day Robin is feeling like a fattie, probably because she watched three consecutive hours of Friends and ate a whole box of Chips Ahoy cookies (three hours is probably an exaggeration and it most likely wasn't a whole package of cookies) so she made herself get off the couch and go for a run. This time something was different though. She ran for two miles without stopping and felt great. She even wanted to keep going. So she went for three and a half miles and would have kept going, but it was getting dark so she went home. Robin has been running in this fashion for two weeks. She doesn't know what’s changed, but all of a sudden running is one of her voluntary hobbies that she doesn't hate and actually kind of likes.

It's going to forever remain a mystery of what switch was flipped in Robin's brain that made it so she likes to run around the block for fun, but whatever it was, she appreciates it.

Wasn't that a great story?

Hollywood's Most Prestigious Association

There comes a point in every actor's life when they cross a line. It's kind of like a rite of passage that they aspire to reach. A few members of this club include Tim Allen, Greg Kinnear, Joan Cusack, John Cusack, Ben Stiller, Sandra Bullock and Eddie Murphey. I'd also like to take this moment to recognize and congratulate the two most recent additions: Brad Pitt and Matt Damon. The exclusive society these people belong to is none other than the MDAGA-otherwise known as the Mom and Dad Actors' Guild of America. Some see entering this association as a bad thing. Like being at that point of your career is a sign that you're a washed-up, has-been, but I disagree.

There are actors that society never tires of watching on the screen. Every movie they make draws crowds, film after film, year after year. However, similar to real life, different periods of time demand different lifestyles and activities. Your whole life can't be lived climbing trees, drawing with sidewalk chalk, and asking your mom if you can call Jimmy to come over and play. At some point you have to grow up and take on grown-up responsibilities. Likewise, an actor can't spend their whole career being the super hott guy/girl, or the hard core action junkie. At some point your six pack becomes less attractive, and it's not realistic for a fifty-five year old man to do parkour all over *insert any large city here*. It's just not a viable path.

With this in mind, actors, if the're smart will take on roles that are more realistic given their stage of life. If you think about it, it's a complement and a blessing to be able to belong to MDAGA. Many actors aren't lucky enough to stick around in Hollywood that long. For example, Hannah Montana most likely will not have the opportunity to be a mom in MDAGA. It would be unrealistic for a forty year old woman play a pouty teenager, therefore the industry will move on to another Disney Channel starlet and Hannah Montana will end up on Celebrity Apprentice. On the other hand, Ryan Gosling will get the chance to be one of our favorite Dad actors because he's a good actor now and he will be twenty years from now too. His roles will just change from hunky heart throb to attractive father figure.

I will admit though, there are some actors who refuse to apply for membership in MDAGA. Nicholas Cage, for example. Although I wish he would because I can't bear a third Ghost Rider installment. On the other side of the coin though, Denzel Washington, Juleah Roberts, George Clooney and Helen Mirren, to name a few, are some who haven't made a mom/dad movie yet. And as of now it seems never will, nor do we want them to, because they just keep getting better.

So while we mourn the end of Matt Damon's Jason Bourne and Private James Ryan days as well as Brad Pitt's era of Achilles, Rusty Ryan, and Mr. Smith, we get to watch them for twenty-thirty more years as they beautifully master more characters that are suited for their age.

The Unforeseen Relocation of The Bermuda Triangle.

College is great. As I’ve mentioned before , there are so many people and things to watch. It’s awesome. But as I get more and more used to school fewer and fewer things seem funny. Until today.

              

I was sitting in the hall finishing a paper. As I look over I see a person drop all their things which were conveniently not bound together in any manner. All their books and pencils went everywhere. I sighed a sympathetic sigh because I know all too well what it’s like to have that happen. Luckily she wasn’t by herself and her friends helped her pick up all her things and I went back to my paper.

                

About five minutes passed and I happened to look over to that area and there was someone in the same spot picking up all their things. At first I thought it was the first girl taking forever to pick everything up. But when I looked down at the clock I figured five minutes was way too long for a person to gather their things. Also it was a boy. This means that TWO people dropped their things in the same spot within five minutes of each other! Funny right? Just wait. It gets better.

                

Less than five minutes later the same thing happened AGAIN!!! Just like the previous two times I looked up and saw someone’s things go flying all over the floor. This time I was struggling to keep from laughing out loud. Honestly what are the odds that three people would drop their things in the same spot within such a short amount of time?      

                

I kind of do feel bad for laughing when things like that happen. I would be completely humiliated if I ever had the experience. But really, how could I not laugh. So don’t think I’m a terrible person because you can’t tell me that you’re above allowing yourself at least a small laugh on the inside.

                

As I finished my paper I was wondering, what caused three people to have the same unfortunate experience? The only thing I could come up with is that the Bermuda Triangle mysteriously shifted due to a magnetic shift of the North Pole. But that would be superstitious nonsense, and I don’t believe in such things. But I will admit that when I had to go that way to get to class 20 minutes later, I won’t lie, I definitely went the long way to avoid that patch of hallway. I had way too much stuff in my arms to take the risk.

Staycation

When life is hard and full of stress, there's nothing better than one or two days added on to the weekend to calm things down for a bit. However, long weekends are still pretty short, so even though it's technically a vacation, there isn't much time to go anywhere. This is when the staycation (rhymes with vacation) comes in to play. If the name isn't indicator enough, a staycation is a vacation where you stay in town. Hence the name staycation. Can I make it any more clear?  And, just like there are two kinds of people (cat people, and dog people), there are two kinds of staycations, In order to stay consistent with the latest research we'll call them Type I and Type II staycationers. The two types of staycations are outlined below.


The Type 1 staycationer is the kind who, even though there are technically no obligations placed on them for the day, still fills their day with productive activities. They are actually busy on a day fillled with nothing. This is teh typical schedule of events for a Type 1.

1. 8:00- Wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast (omelettes, french toast, crepes, waffles, biscuits and gravy, or some other food which requires effort and real ingredients)
2. 8:05- Do make up, hair, nails, etc.
3. 8:30- Look at the to do list and put the tasks into order.
4. 8:45- Start on said list which includes, but is not limited to...
   Run errands, exercise, read a book, get ahead on homework, do a craft project, clean the house, get a manicure, cook a legitimate meal, take a power nap (ten minutes at the most, heaven forbid they waste too much time), go shopping, plan next week's outfits, organize the shoes in the closet by size, color, and style, alphabetize the movie collection, draw a picture, and write thank you letters for the most recent gift giving event.
5. 6:00- Some long weekends are only long weekends for some. For example, one person gets a Fall break, and none of their friends do. If the individual is in this situation their friends will get home around this time and then the staycationer will either initiate the night's adventure or go  along willingly with any ideas their companions suggest.
6. 12:00- Crash into bed with the last ounce of energy they possess and think to themselves "Best. Day. Ever."

The Type II staycation is the kind where the day begins when the individual opens their eyes at noon (the true professional can push this time as far as 2:00). Occasionally one has good intentions to turn this day into a Type I kind of day, but  in general those plans, however well meaning, don't end up happening. The Type II staycation day goes a little like this.

1. 12:00- Wake up
2. 12:45- Roll out of bed.
3. 12:50- Leave the bedroom (real clothes are optional at this point, pajamas are completely acceptable)
4. 1:00- Eat a "breakfast" of sugar cereal, scrambled eggs, instant breakfast shakes, toast, or something requiring similar "skill".
5. 1:30- The staycationer will decide they're still hungry and will repeat step 4.
6. 2:00- Watch television or Hulu
7. 5:00 (a)- Shower, get dressed, and clean up your area so whoever's coming home soon won't see what they've been doing all day (or rather, not done all because they've been sitting in the same spot for three hours). This step is necessary because some people are closet Type II staycationers and they don't want people to know of their lazy day habits.
8. 5:00 (b)- The other option at this point is to continue sitting on the couch, content and at peace with how the day has been spent.
9. 6:00- A roommate, sibling, friend, or mother takes pity on the individual and makes them a real meal.
10. 7:00 (a)- A friend will call with plans for the evening. The staycationer will grudgingly agree to take off the stretchy pants and old, oversized girl's camp hoodie and come along for the night's festivities.
11. 7:00 (b)- If the person in question is not so lucky to have people who feel the need to get them out of the house, or if they turned down any plans that were offered, they'll repeat step 6.
12. 12:00- Sleep will be attempted, but it will be difficult considering no energy has been expended throughout the day.
13. As they finally drift off to sleep two hours later, their last conscious thought is "Best. Day. Ever".

So whether you're Type I or Type II, or possibly a little bit of both, I hope you enjoy your staycations whenever you're lucky enough to have one.

Progress

In 240 BC Aristarchus discovered the size of the moon based on the width of the moon's shadow compared to the earth's shadow during a lunar eclipse. In 235 BC Eratosthenes measured the circumference of the earth just by knowing the distance between two cities and the angle of a shadow on a pillar. In 1610 Galileo made a telescope powerful enough to see the moons of Jupiter. All these inventions were made without electricity. None of these inventors had a math book or computer. All of these inventions have had a direct impact science and modern technology.

None of those men technically needed to make these discoveries. No one was pressuring them to discover new things. The world would keep going even if technology stopped progressing. True, the standard of living wouldn't have gotten any better, but people wouldn't have known any different. But that's the interesting thing about progress. It's the nature of man to improve his situation. Physics teaches us that matter always takes the path of least resistance, but mankind thankfully defies this law and goes the opposite direction. From the beginning of time, someone has always had the desire to make his life, and by extension the lives of others, better.

This idea stretches from the beginning of time and will continue forever. People were fine with going out back to use the outhouse, but someone decided to take a page out of the Romans' book and bring about the toilet. The teenagers of the eighties would have been fine using their walk-mans forever. However, someone had the foresight to invent the compact disk and thereby the disc-man. And these are only conveniences. World problems like malaria and polio have been cured because someone wanted to make life better.

Aristarchus used simple means to further the study of science that would change the world. Eratosthenes discovered technology that's the basis for a large quantity of math used today. Galileo perfected technology that changed the way we view the universe. All these discoveries were made without electricity or modern instruments and look at what they've done for mankind. Progress has a way of happening no matter the circumstance which surrounds it.

So while people worry about the state of the world, I'm not that concerned. My generation is the future leaders of the world and look at all the great things we're doing. Today I learned how to jump start a car. (Forget that it was because I left the headlights on.) Never fear America. Your fate rests in my capable hands.

The Most Influential Musician of Our Time.

The world watched in awe as a musician rose from obscurity to a global phenomenon in a few short months. She became an icon for those desperate to break free from their ordinary lives and craved recognition and stardom. Some said it was just a song. But it isn't just any song. It's a song that transcends time, age, race, and religion. Yes, it's a song who anyone, no matter the demographic, can relate to. It's so simple, yet so profound, and as such, it will forever be remembered as a song that changed the way we think about life. The world has clung to this idea like moths to a flame. It's what's kept us going through tough times. It can bring a person up from their knees to a defiant upright stance. A single word can give them enough hope to keep marching on. The word, is Friday. The person who will forever live in infamy our hearts for putting this idea in our minds is Rebecca Black. May she have a long career full of deep, meaningful songs which effect us just as much as Friday.


We never really appreciate how much of an impact a simple decision can have on our life. Just think of it, front seat or the back seat. Which one should I choose? If you think about it, small decisions like this are the ones that shape our character and by extension our entire lives. What kind of people would we be without the stepping stones that lead to bigger questions like what kid of cereal we should eat in the morning. The effects of these decisions are monumental. These small actions can shape our destinies. As time goes on they could lead to bigger and bigger questions. Eventually they can lead to truly existential questions like boxers vs. briefs, mayonnaise or Miracle Whip, even, could it be true, cats vs. dogs!


We've been waiting for months for Rebecca Black to enlighten us with her profound lyrics and stimulating music, and at last we've been blessed with another inspired work. I won't say anything about it. I'll let you have your own moment (<<< click), and let the song speak to you in your own way. But I can promise, it'll be an experience you'll never forget, no matter how hard you try. 

Harry Skywalker, Ron Solo, Darth Voldemort

 

I have no claim on the terms nerd, fan girl, geek, gamer or any other similar titles. Even if I wanted to be one of those people I couldn’t be. I don’t know anything about W.O.W., the only video games I play are Mario Kart, Super Mario Galaxy, Rock Band, and Just Dance. Occasionally I play Super Smash Bros (and by "play" I mean push random buttons). When people talk about Pokemon they may as well be speaking Chinese. I never even knew what comic con was until I was seventeen. It’s plain to see that whether I like it or not, the world of video games and science fiction will be forever closed to me in almost all areas.

Despite my obvious lack of nerdiness I can proudly claim to be a super dweeb in two categories--Star Wars and Harry Potter. I’ve been addicted to Harry Potter since the second grade and I’ve loved Star Wars since birth (and by Star Wars I mean the real movies, not those poor excuses of films known as episodes I-III).  At some point I felt like I had to choose where my allegiances really lie and I faced the eternal question--if I were given the chance, what would I be? Jedi or Wizard? I narrowed it down to three categories that one can compare the two worlds by--skills and weaponry, movies, and characters. I've made my choice, what's yours?

Skills and weaponry: 

Wizards have limited power without a wand. As children, it's typical to have unintentional and uncontrollable outbursts of magic, but those are uncommon especially once the wizard has received their own wand. If they don’t have their wand with them a wizard is basically just a normal human being and is thereby useless. However, with their magic stick and enough training a wizard is almost unstoppable. There's a limitless amount of functions that can be accomplished with a little stick of wood and some unicorn hair.

Jedi's have the ultimate weapon. It's a sword and a taser (for lack of a better word) all in one, except better. What kind of taser can cut through a door, deflect laser bullets, slice storm troopers in half, or take the front end of a speeder off? Granted, a light saber isn't as versatile as a wand by any means, however, Jedi's do have the Force which compensates for the lack of utility found in a light saber. With the Force you can do almost as many things as you would be able to do with a wand, but with both hands free, so it's a win-win. Imagine you were saber-less because a certain Sith lord had knocked it out of your hands, all you have to do is use the force and bam--weapon retrieved. 

Movies:

I am constantly in awe of how George Lucas created A New Hope in 1977. The special effects were decades ahead of their time, and to be honest they’re better than a lot of the effects in movies coming out today. Imagine making the Sarlacc (the giant pit with teeth in Episode VI), making the Jabba the Hutt costume, or filming epic speeder chase scene with the, lets face it, archaic technology of the seventies and eighties. In addition, special effects aside, how many times do movie franchises start out with a fantastic first movie, and the sequels that follow get more and more disappointing? The answer is about 95% of the time. Not with Star Wars though. as far as I’m concerned, the last movie, Return of the Jedi, was the best movie of the entire trilogy.

Unlike other series, Harry Potter has gotten better with every movie. In Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, little Hermione, Harry, and Ron were young, inexperienced actors and sometimes it was almost painful to watch. They’ve gotten exponentially better with every film. While I still think the acting is cheesy and contrived sometimes, they get a gold medal for most improved. The special effects have improved vastly as well. In the first and second movies there were Quidditch games where it was all too obvious that there was a green screen as well as "people" who were created by a computer program. But now there are stunning sequences of magic that look so real that it seems like there really is a magical world somewhere. As far as the plot of the movies goes, in general the plot has followed that of the books, which are perfect in every way. Even if there are creative liberties taken with what is and isn’t put in the movies, overall the story stays the same.

Characters:

Harry started off as a young, innocent, naive eleven year old who had no idea of his past or his true potential. throughout the series he grew as a wizard and as a person and by the end he was a mature, powerful person who was ready to take the necessary steps to defeat evil. The series is full of dynamic characters who go through similar journeys as they grow up. Hermione changes from a girl who only cares for school to a very well rounded adult. Ron used to be a boy with severe middle child syndrome and a lack of magical skills. In the end his skills are still pretty average but he got to marry up (Hermione) so I'd consider that a win for him. Aside from Harry's good character progression I did find him somewhat annoying at times. It kills me to hate on the guy who was with me since I was 8 years old, but I've got to admit, he's kind of a diva, he's angry a lot, and sometimes he just annoys me. I know Dumbledore didn't tell him everything, but that guy was probably the busiest wizard ever, give him a break.

Star Wars seriously pulls ahead in this area. Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Darth Vader are arguably the biggest characters in the franchise and they're probably my overall favorites. As with Harry Potter these characters also go through growth and they are better people at the end of the saga. Luke used to be a somewhat irresponsible teenager who's biggest wish was to go off to the Academy like his friends. Little did he know that he'd end up as a Jedi Knight who is responsible for the demise of the evil emperor. Han Solo used to be a selfish nomad tool who cared only for himself and his precious Millenium Falcoln. In the end he gets the girl of his dreams and he even lets a friend take his beloved ship into battle. Of course I can't forget Chewbacca, the worlds most lovable sidekick. He's not very eloquent, but he always gets his point across, and he's always there for his friends.Leia used to be a selfish princess with entitlement issues, by episode IV she's risking her lie for the sake of her friends and the galaxy, she also ends up with Han Solo and becomes the most perfect couple anyone has ever seen. Darth Vader experiences the biggest change of heart anyone has ever seen. He goes from most gifted Jedi the galaxy has ever seen to evil henchmen who does the emperor's bidding to the guy who throws that emperor over a railing to save his son. What a guy. 

And the Winner Is:

After nineteen years, I've finally made my choice. It's hard to choose between my two loves. It's like choosing which child you like best. But sometimes the choice needs to be made--with the movies, I'd never choose between two kids. This choice probably doesn't even matter because the odds that my midi-chlorian count will suddenly go up to a Jedi level are pretty low....but stranger things have happened. Not. But in case in another life I have the chance to become a wizard or a jedi knight I now know for sure that I would most definitely choose a Jedi. May the Force be with you.  

Hitting "News"stands Near You!

The progressive era of America was a time period where our country was going through a lot of change. The government was taking a larger role in citizens' lives, corporate America became more accountable to it's customers, and there were reforms in just about every area of the country. A large portion of the change was due to muckrakers, the exposé journalists of the late 1800's and early 1900's. 


These journalists exposed everything including crime, the food industry, child labor, monopolies  government corruption, and much more. Some of the work is still well known. The Jungle, for example was a book which exposed the meat packing industry, and had a direct effect in cleaning up that industry not to mention creating the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). We can thank these exposé journalists for purifying the country and setting the precedent for transparency in business and politics.


Today, however, muckraking has taken on an entirely new meaning. Don't get me wrong, there are still publications that ask hard questions and deal with real, important issues. These aren't the publications I'm referring to. Other publications full of vapid, vain, and useless information is what bothers me. They're online as well as in every grocery store aisle in America--Tabloid magazines.  Journalism has digressed from articles on monopolies in the oil and train industry to critiquing what the Kardashians were wearing last night, or which celebrity is having "marital issues". People actually care, too. If sales are any indication of what consumers care about, the fact that People magazine sold more magazines in 2010 than Time, Sports Illustrated, Playboy or Maxim, to name a few, shows how much people are interested in gossip magazine topics. 


In the National Enquirer/People/US Weekly there's no need for relevance, accuracy, privacy, or even truth. If Jennifer Lopez happens to relax her face into what looks like a frown, and then she looks at her husband with that face guess what tomorrow's headline will be? "Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony Relationship on the Rocks. Separation is Imminent", followed by an article outlining how their marriage has been falling apart for months--according to an unnamed friend of the family.  I have two responses to this. 1. Who cares? But those magazines sell millions of copies so obviously people do. 2. What journalist would stoop to that level? Maybe their dream of writing for the New York Times didn't work out, but I'd like to think if I didn't get my ideal job I would still keep my integrity and not rely on other people's "problems" to make a living.


Those who are regularly on tabloid covers have probably learned  to block out or even laugh about what's written about them in these magazines, but it's not them I'm worried about. The American public that clamors over this information is contributing to a society that would rather read about Ryan Seacrest's ludicrous salary than the BP oil spill. I'm not blameless and I know it. Sometimes I like to look at before and after pictures of Heidi Montag and her plastic surgery, or read some other stupid article. In the long run though, I appreciate good journalism that talks about a real issue. 


While a portion of the original muckrakers' legacy has become GossipCop.com, there is still plenty of evidence of the good they did for the country and for journalism.  While I'd like to do away with tabloids, the first amendment protects that industry. There's not much I can do to make a difference, one less hit on UsMagazine.com isn't going to hurt them too badly, but I'm still going to buy my New York Times in support of real journalism.

There Won't Be a Number Five

For a girl I would say I'm kind of an action junkie. I love the Fast and Furious movies not because of the plot (because there isn't one), or because of Vin Diesel (why does anyone like him?), but because of the super cool (if unrealistic) car chases. The A-Team is awesome because even if all the stunts they pull are impossible there are enough explosions and gun fights to keep me happy. But, there comes a point when all the fist fights and car chases can't compensate for the gaping plot holes. If you can suspend your sense of reality for two hours you have a good time, but once you leave the theater your sense of logic kicks in and you realize what was missing in the movie. I am Number Four is one of those movies.

The movie is about a super attractive guy (named John) who is the fourth in line of nine aliens who escaped from their planet but are being hunted by another race from their planet. So, picture this, there's this kid named John, who's really an alien. He can flip a jet ski, has bright blue eyes, knows film photography, would be the perfect boyfriend and is shirtless half the movie. Did I mention he has super speed and strength and his hands possess various magical qualities? How could any girl resist that? So with these things alone you have a promising premise. To draw the boys in there are mild car chases, fist fights, an adorable girlfriend, aliens, awesome technology, and monsters. Oh, and there's a really hot girl who has mad magic skills, kills aliens like it's no big deal, and she has an Australian accent. With these alone you would think you're set up for a pretty great movie. Too bad it couldn't last.

The first part of the movie had a good flow, didn't have too many inconsistencies, and was setting the movie up for a great finale. But then, like it happens in so many movies, it started to fall apart in the second half once everything started concluding and coming together.

All of a sudden the aliens were there and John was a suspected terrorist, and he was in love with this girl who he had known for three days, and the aliens can speak English. Not to mention they try to ease the tension by making the aliens kind of funny/creepy and it doesn't really work, and then all of a sudden the aliens find John and every person in town ends up in the same place and everything is exploding and people are dying. And then there's this part where a waxing machine is still running, spreading around the blood of the now dead janitor. So they take this tunnel to escape, but the aliens somehow end up at the end of it and there's this crazy fight and the hot Australian girl kicks everyone's butt, and then the two humans miraculously don't end up dead. So once all the aliens are killed John probably has a warrant out for his arrest because he basically blew up the school, so now he's leaving with the Australian girl and leaves his true love behind but for some reason takes the nerdy kid with him, and the guy who tried to beat him up in the beginning and steal his girlfriend is suddenly on his side.

Confused at all? How you felt reading that paragraph is how I felt watching the movie. All of a sudden some conclusion would be drawn, or a conflict would come up in a way that was anything but logical. 

At the end of the movie I decided that I enjoyed myself. I love laser guns, and super powers, and of course I'm a sucker for a cute love story--what else does a movie need, really? There was enough action for it to be fun, and just enough plot for everything to stick together (barely). All in all it was a nice way to spend a Tuesday night.  but at the end of the day I'm really glad I only paid $1 for the movie.

The conclusion of the movie was set up perfectly for a sequel, and it could easily be made into a trilogy, or maybe even a saga, but to be honest, it probably won't be. Sorry number five, your story never gets told.

YouTube Part 2

So I love YouTube more than anyone I know. Everyone knows this. Considering that it's finals week at BYU and all of my friends are super focused boring I've been spending a lot of time watching videos. I figured that since everyone is trying to focus on school the least I could do was provide them with something distracting. So, these are my favorite videos that I've seen in the past few months.

This guy is hilarious. He does a ton of random pranks like this. I just chose one of my favorites.

In general the commercials are the only reason to watch the Superbowl. Considering that this year the commercials weren't as good as those in years past the only reason to watch was for the Doritos commercials. This one is probably my favorite.

Blooper reels are my favorite kind of videos. This one is pretty great.

This was the first YouTube video I ever saw. My friend showed it to me in the 8th grade and it's been in my top five favorite videos ever since.

This isn't funny or anything. It's just awesome. Go Cougars.

This video is super painful, but really funny and totally worth your time.

So, I hope these made your day as much as they always make mine. Good luck on finals everyone!

Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, take your pick.

I am a sucker for animated Disney movies. Let me specify, the good Disney movies. A Goofy Movie, Mulan 2, Cinderella 2 (basically any sequel), and Brother Bear are not included in the list of movies I love. At some point in my life I started to worry that when I was married with kids I wouldn't be able to buy the classic movies to show them that there used to be good kids movies (G-force and Spy Kids are a pathetic excuse for a child or family film).

I had no need to worry about the availability of my favorite childhood films. These days several classic Disney movies come out of the "vault" every year. There's a trend that's going on with this that's a little concerning. The movie will be re-released, a few years later it'll come out again, and then again in a few more years. With each re-release they add a new gem (I know for a fact there have been at least a gold, platinum, and diamond edition of Snow White), form of disc, and more special features. For example, Bambi--it came out originally in 1942. I don't know for sure how many times they've come out with a new edition of the movie, but judging by the fact that the most current version, which came to stores last month, is called "Bambi 2-disc Diamond Edition Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital Copy Combo Pack" I'd say this movie has been around the block a few times. Granted, there have been a lot of improvements since it was first released on VHS, and upgrading from DVD to Blu-Ray is probably a big deal as well, but every single re-release of every movie goes through an extravagant process than isn't really needed.

A big deal is made about the new special features, and the new directors commentary probably is something special (I wouldn't know, I never watch it), but is it really necessary to add another $10+ just because they tripled the length of the title? At the rate things are going, when I'm 30 years old and want to buy a Disney movie (I would probably skip Bambi, I've never really been a fan) I'll have to pay $60 for a five disc collectors edition, with a title including a gem they discovered between now and then. There'll be a widescreen, and fullscreen version of the movie, three different commentaries, two special features discs, a digital copy, and one or two more things that haven't been invented yet. Technology will probably change before I'm 30 so there might be something different than discs, but you get the idea.

So all in all, I don't have to worry, my children won't have to go without real entertainment, but at what cost?

Countdown to shutdown

Let's be honest, I'm not as informed as I could be about the happenings in the country. I read the newspaper every so often, and I glance over the top news on the Yahoo homepage pretty often, but other than that I kinda keep out of the loop. I also could care less about politics. I feel like the whole process is just a bunch of people pushing personal agendas, fighting rather than finding solutions, and a whole lot of unnecessary bother. Yes, that's an over generalization, but to a large extent it's true. Considering my civic involvement--or lack thereof--it should come as no surprise that I heard about the government shutdown the day before it was going to happen. I was surprised that congress has gotten to the point that they would rather shut down everything, other than essential government functions, rather than come to a compromise. No matter which political affiliation you have, this is just ridiculous.

In case you're wondering, a government shutdown doesn't mean everything gets shut down, which is reassuring, but still, shutting down the SBA, passport operations, national parks, the Federal Housing Association, not to mention postponing the payment of all the soldiers is still a big deal. If the government were to shut down 800,000 federal employees would be affected. They would go without pay for however long the shutdown lasted. Some, but not all would be eligible for unemployment benefits, and unless congress approved it, those employees wouldn't receive back pay for the time they weren't working. Ridiculous? I think so.

The shutdown was a result of the fact that congress can't come up with a plan to cut federal spending and lower the national debt. Both parties obviously agree that we need to stop spending so much, but they disagreed on which programs to cut. Republican's wanted to cut back on social welfare programs, and Democrats wanted to limit tax breaks and cut back on some programs for businesses. I don't know much about congress and I definitely don't know much about what it must be like to be a congressman. Who knows, it's probably stressful to have a large amount of people relying on your decisions. But regardless of all that, is a shutdown the most sensible solution for a failure to compromise? Has our two party system divided us so badly that 800,000 people's livelihoods would be compromised for an indefinite amount of time?

Luckily no shutdown was necessary. Late Friday night, just a few hours before the deadline, congress came to an agreement. In 2011 there will be 38 billion dollars worth of cuts made. Had they not made a compromise we would have experienced the first shutdown in fifteen years. Crisis averted, for now. In 2012 they're going to discuss whether or not they'll raise the debt ceiling and then we'll get to go through this all over again.

Fancy feast...or is it?

Pets, we all love them. Unless you're a cat person, in which case you should rethink your life. Just kidding. But seriously. Anyway, we all obviously want the best for our pets and we'd like to give them the best life we can. However, whenever I watch a pet food commercial I feel like the food that's advertised is vastly overrated. Take, for example, this commercial. "Succulent gravy drizzled over filet mignon mixed with vegetables and fortified with vitamins and minerals." or "Rich beef flavor with the delicious taste of corn, carrots, and chicken as well as flax seed to promote heart health." First of all, I made both of those up. But, that's what they all sound like so I'm not making any apologies. Secondly, does giving my dog a gourmet can of dog food really make that big of a difference in his nutrition? Most, if not all, food these days is fortified with vitamins and minerals already, so chances are all those extra things that get added in won't do much. Thirdly, my dog ate anything, besides carrots and Cheetos, so had I given him some classy dog food would he have even noticed? Probably not. And the last point I'd like to make is probably the most important. The commercials make those cans of food look appetizing, especially when they're shown in a crystal bowl being eaten daintily by a pristine looking dog or cat. But at the end of the day that super fancy can of dog food will plop out of the can in the same gross, slimy, smelly way as the normal can that doesn't pretend to be all high and mighty.

We all love our pets, but let's show them we love them by letting them know that their owner is intelligent enough to not fall for a marketing campaign.

Drip drip drop little April showers

If I had my way I would live in a place with three seasons. Late spring, summer, and early fall. Late spring is warm, but not too warm. The trees have adorable blossoms which are great because they're way cuter than leaves and they smell amazing. Summer is great for obvious reasons--it's warm all the time, you get to wear shorts and swim suits and t-shirts all the time, and there's no school. Early fall is awesome because it's just like summer, but not as hot.

Then comes late fall, winter, and early spring, the three seasons I hate. Winter I don't have as big of a problem with because at least it's consistent. It's cold, miserable, it might snow, and it might not, but either way, when you look out the window you're guaranteed to see some shade of gray. So, while winter is the worst, it's never been anything but honest. On the other hand, late fall and early spring just aren't fair and everyone knows it.

The transition seasons are the most tantalizing times of year especially early spring. It's been a long winter, I'm sick of the cold and every day I come closer and closer to packing my things and moving to California. Sure, it's true that I know no one there, the economy is terrible, the state will be filing for bankruptcy any day now, and everyone says it's gonna fall into the ocean one of these days. But, on the plus side there's a beach, it has Disneyland, Six Flags, and Knotts Berry Farm, AND it's sunny. Almost all the time!

Here in Utah it's a whole other story. One day it'll be be a typical winter-y Utah day, the next it'll be a balmy--maybe even warm, sunny, blue sky, no clouds kind of day. If it's warm you pull out your shorts and you're ready to go jump into the recently opened pool at your apartment, and then the next day it snows again! So you put away your shorts and pull out the cold weather clothes again. Guess what happens the next morning. Need I go on? All I know is it's really frustrating for me to have to deal with this. Will whoever is in charge please make up their mind! I'm gonna go crazy.

At the end of the day, I'm glad it's spring. Even if the weather is the epitome of bipolar, it's better than just being depressed all the time. I'd rather have the potential for warm weather than to be destined for freezing temperatures all the time, so I'll count my blessings and keep my hopes up. One of these days it'll be warm for more than three days at a time. Until then, happy spring everyone.

Mind control-or lack thereof

     I've been attempting to write a paper for the past hour and a half. In that period of time I've stared at a blank page in Microsoft Word, watched two of my favorite YouTube videos (David goes to the dentist, and Marcel the Shell in case you're wondering), gone on Facebook a few times, stared at a Microsoft Word page with my name, teacher, class, date, and title on it, and looked through all the news on the Yahoo homepage. My actions would suggest that I have been trying to not write my paper, but I really have been attempting to make some progress. One would think that with a rough draft due tomorrow morning (inducing last minute panic), a pretty solid topic, and a maximum page limit of three pages (double spaced) that it would be easy to knock this paper out and get on with my life. But I can't seem to focus.
     As I was looking through the news on Yahoo.com I came across an article that was talking about games that you control with your MIND! Can you imagine?! The "games" that are currently being tested aren't really what you would call games, they just do simple things depending what your brain waves are doing. You wear this funny headset that looks like the Cerebro machine in X-Men, then you just think really, really hard and ideally the game would do what you want. Read the article, it sounds a lot more legitimate when they describe it. They say it's possible that this will be mainstream technology in ten years! Just think, in ten years the Kinect is going to be the equivalent of Nintendo 64.
     What do mind control games have to do with my lack of productivity in the homework department? Pretty much nothing--except for the fact that if I tried to play a mind control game right now it wouldn't work. At all. Because I don't have the slightest capability to control my mind right now. If I put on the headset there's a high probability that the sensors wouldn't detect even a trace of activity.
     So, the point of this story is that I hope I get this paper done before school tomorrow. If I don't it's probably OK. At the rate technology is going there's a chance that by the time I graduate from college robots will be running everything, and anything humans can do will be obsolete.

BREAKING NEWS: Publisher Limits Shelf Life for E-books at Librar...Oh wait, no one cares.

     I was reading the newspaper yesterday, and considering the state that Japan is in, it's no surprise that at least fifty percent of the A section and bits and pieces of every other section had pieces on some aspect of the disaster as well. I, for one, am really glad there's been so much information available, it's a really big deal and this is gonna be one of those things we tell our kids about.

     There was around half of the A section of the paper that wasn't about Japan. I don't really think that it matters either way, in fact I think it's good that there was information regarding the rest of the world because it is important that we move forward from disasters. The rest of the world doesn't stop moving even if one part does. 

     I was a little confused though why "Publisher Limits Shelf Life for Library E-Books" was on the front page. Really? The front page? Northern Japan is in shambles. Their stock market lost over $620 billion dollars which is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the state of their economy. And the cherry on top is the threat of a nuclear meltdown, the likes of which we haven't seen since Chernobyl. Putting Japan's issues aside, last time I checked there was still a revolution going on in Libya, congress is continuing their spat over how to cut down the budget, and there are still troops in the middle east. So amidst all this why on earth would they put a story about copyright issues on the front page? On a slow news day, I would probably be upset at the injustice those poor library's are facing, but today, tomorrow, and probably at least the next two weeks, don't count on it.